Hmm..

So I just got off facebook and my boyfriends ex posted a new pic. Not that I can compare because she's dark and I'm really pale compared to her.. but I noticed her lips and all I kept thinking about was he's kissed her.. just.. bothers me. I know he's with me now and he won't be kissing anyone else but.. I haven't even kissed him considering it's a long distance thing. I don't like her.. I got to know her, she was pretty ok but then found out some of the things she did with him and it totally changed my opinion about her. I hate the jealousy that rages inside.. can't stand it. It makes my whole gut tighten up and pull. I can't even talk to him about it because I don't want to bother him. *sigh* so I'm writing it on here, just to get everything out. Still don't like her..

Love story

Quote written about my love life. I love you Axe <3 and even though you will NEVER read this (I prohibited him from ever reading my blog, don't want him to know how much I worry about him OR have him worry even more about me), I wanted to share this edit with whoever takes the time to see it and read it =)

You know how one day you're the most prettiest girl to one guy and like.. a few months later, he's changed his mind? Yeah, happened to me, here's an image I edited when it happened.

Fade

I think this is one of my most descriptive poems ever


Fade

Don’t leave
You can’t go
You never said goodbye
You’re fading
Into the distance
Your body
Getting smaller
And smaller
Till I lose sight
Of you
I wanted you to stay
I hoped you’d never go
And as I lay here
Knowing I won’t ever
See you again
I start to cry
Knowing you always hated
When I cried
But here I am
Crying
Crying for you
You take with you
My smile
My laughter
My voice
My air
My goals
My dreams
My world
I don’t want to think about
Finding all that in
Someone else
There’s only one you
And you’re the only one
I want
Through the ups and downs
The highs and lows
The good and bad
Somewhere between the lines
Between the jokes
Between the hate
Between the fun
I fell in love
In love with you
Now you take
You take my love with you
And as you disappear
Into the distance
So does my love
My love for you

I love...

Written yesterday when he went to talk to his mother. Feel free to drop comments.

I love...

I wish
Things would be different
I wish
You’d stay forever
I wish
I could always reach you
I wish
I’d never have to worry
I wish
You never made me feel sick
I wish
I never worried
I wish...
I can’t
Imagine life without you
I can’t
Go on without your words
I can’t
Move forward without you tagging along
I can’t
Breathe without you as air
I can’t
Hope for someone better
I can’t
Think about a future without you
I can’t...
I don’t
Want you to leave
I don’t
Want you so far
I don’t
Want to ever stop talking to you
I don’t
Want to think
I don’t
Want to feel
I don’t
Want to question
I don’t...
I love
Everything about you
I love
Your bright white smile
I love
When your eyes light up just for me
I love
When you call me with that special voice
I love
When you come home to me
I love
How when no words are spoken it’s comfortable
I love
No one else but you

Online Relationship

So this is what having an online relationship feels like huh? Sucks, wouldn't recommend it. I love my boyfriend to death, would do anything for him, but it sucks like you wouldn't believe. His mom and sister are moving back to Mexico.. will probably be gone for 2-3 years. That doesn't seem normal to me, I wouldn't be able to handle that. He's sad, but he is handling it. He's 17.. like me, but still in high school. He now has to get a job and help his step dad pay bills. If the two of them don't make enough money then *chop chop* goes his net, cell phone, cable and more. Two out of the three are greatly needed for our relationship to last. What am I supposed to do if *knocks on wood* he is unable to pay for the bills and loses all contact with me.. sure it'll be hard for him but I have no idea what I'm going to do.. I wish there was some way I can help him... but I have no idea how